Here is part of my testimony:
Childhood
I grew up in church all of my life, but my relationship with God really took off when I was baptized at 11. I don’t remember much except there was an altar call and my chest started burning. I felt this longing and deep need to walk up front, but of course, as a child, I was scared and a little embarrassed to walk up to the altar. After all, what would the other kids think, and what would the older people think? I remember that the burning sensation would not leave me alone [I now know that it was the Holy Spirit dealing with me]. I was obedient to the tugging of the Holy Spirit and was baptized in 2008. It’s amazing how God orders our steps, because little did I know that 2010 would be one of the most trying years of my life. That was the year that so many people died: people in the world, people at church, and people in my family. My Grammy's (maternal grandmother) death affected me the most. I was just about to start two schools---high school at Jefferson County International Baccalaureate and a visual arts program at the Shades Valley Technical Academies. I started that school year totally behind. Here I was: 14 years old, depressed, and walking the halls everyday like everything was fine. I was constantly checked out of school, on medication, seeing a child psychologist, in addition to managing the typical stresses of being a teenager. I was probably 80 pounds, less than 5 feet tall, brace-faced with a face full of freckles, and a head of natural hair that was not “laid” as we see it today [this was before all of the great products and tutorials, haha!]. Not to mention I was still developing… so you know, I was totally awkward-looking in my own eyes. Everyday felt like a struggle. I wasn’t eating, working out, or drinking water. My body was literally wasting away. Honestly, I was ready to leave after the first semester and transfer to another school. I even received a letter from the principal hinting at probation because my G.P.A. dropped to an unacceptable level. I couldn’t focus at school so my Dad would do my history and geometry homework to help me out and I had to get a math tutor to assist me as well. I was so far behind in those courses that I failed and attended summer school. There were days I literally felt like giving up. I mean was it even worth it to live anymore? Who would date me? I was crazy! I wasn’t good enough! I didn’t feel beautiful! I never expected to live past 14, until reality hit me. I had God, my family, and a great support system. My life was not my own. I remember researching scriptures pertaining to thinking right and thinking good thoughts and it was Philippians 4:8 that stuck out to me the most:
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
-Philippians 4:8, KJV
That is one of my favorite scriptures because it serves as daily reminder for me to think on what God wants me to think on, and it helps me to remain grateful for how God has brought me out my troubles. After summer school, I passed both classes with “A’s” and ended up transferring to Ramsay High School where I graduated in 2014. Sophomore through Senior year were great because I was starting to feel “normal” again by the time I graduated. I was still fighting poor mental health and trying to get my weight back up. No one would have ever known my fight for life since I was functionally depressed. I was in the top 20% of my class, achieved one of the top ACT scores in my class, crowned Miss Ramsay 2014, elected as Class President for my senior class, a member of various teams and clubs, and I played sports. Like I said, no one would have known.
College Days
I ended up going to UAB for undergraduate school and I can actually say that college was pretty normal for me. I truly enjoyed myself, but this was the second memorable checkpoint in my life where my relationship with God elevated. I went to parties, drank, traveled, dated, and did whatever I thought I wanted to do, but my heart longed for God. Maintaining my purity was something that was important to me (though I fell several times) and is still important to me and something I work hard to maintain. I now understand that purity is more than just being pure with my body, but also in my mind and in my heart. Even in my sin, I knew that I would have to answer to God, and I also knew I wasn’t growing spiritually at the local church I was a member of. I spent most of undergraduate school visiting churches and developing my personal relationship with the Lord in the dorms, and I also made an effort to really listen to wise counsel. It wasn’t until I started dating a gentleman at my school that I found my current church home. He invited me to a family & friend’s event at his church and I ended up visiting several times before finally joining.
Currently
After joining this new local assembly, my relationship with God elevated yet again. I was baptized again at 23 [in 2019] with a refined understanding of baptism and a stronger commitment to Christ. I found myself back in two schools, and this time on a graduate level. I pursued a dual JD/MPH degree and graduated spring of 2021. That did not come without a fight. Procrastination ate me up the majority of the semester and when it was finally time for me to get serious, life started happening and distractions were popping out of the woodworks in the final month or so of school. I remember fasting and praying for the first 90 days of the year and joining my church’s corporate fast as well, so I was spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically prepared to overcome all that was coming way. Starting at the top of April, my skin broke out in an awful rash. I was trying to finish up group work, where only 3 of the 6 team members were actually trying (yes, that number includes me). Midway through April, I got a text that changed my life. This became an intense season of caretaking for my father and handling his affairs. I thank the Lord that He was with me and strengthened my family and me for the responsibilities and tasks that lied ahead. What amazed me the most during this time was that I finally got to return the favor to help my Dad when he needed it, because 10 years ago, he helped me when I needed it. My goal now is to enjoy life and glorify God through the life He has given me. No matter how I am rerouted, what I come up against, what successes I experience, the point is to glorify God.
Throughout the last decade, I have battled with poor mental health, impure thoughts, fornication, lust, same-sex attraction, idolatry, stress, jealousy, comparison, discontentment, perfectionism, vanity, narcissism, bitterness, unforgiveness, lying, manipulation, and distrust in relationships. I am continually learning how to guard my heart and filter what I allow myself to hear, see, and be a part of. I’ve been heartbroken, disappointed, frustrated, angry, sad, and have cried profusely many nights. I’ve also laughed and been so full of joy! All I’m saying is that I’m human, so don’t look to me. Look to God! I am here to point you to Him and hopefully you will see that you can not live this life without Him! My faith helps me endure. My faith keeps me going. My faith keeps me optimistic. Everything in life is not going to look good or feel good, but it’s not about my feelings. A good reminder to myself is to be prayerful, grateful, joyful, thankful, humble, and content! I have to look to what’s truth, and that is Jesus and the Word of God. I have to depend on Jesus and learn to live and walk in the Spirit daily. I am a constant work in progress. God has delivered me, freed me from bondage, and saved me through His Son, Jesus Christ. The best part is… He can do the same for you, too! And if like me, you still fall short even being saved, be quick to repent to our Heavenly Father and He is just to forgive!
Much love,
Sidni Elise
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